With Self sabotage on my mind, I’ve been asking lately how can we overcome the underlying blocks from within ourselves (such as low self-worth) that prevent us from being fully successful to do whatever it is we really want to do?
When our rational, conscious mind says “Yes I want this” but yet when we are actually presented with it, a lot of us either run away, push away or freeze in petrification of actually realising our success or being happy (at long last).
It doesn’t make sense.
So, I dug deep into my own psyche (as I literally dug deep into the garden as it’s great clearance tool for the mind and soul) until I finally found my Aha! moment bringing a huge smile across my face!
One example is a most beautiful relationship that I have dreamt of for a very long time.
The other is a work situation whereby I feel so blocked energetically without knowing why or what’s going on for me.
So, Let’s explore:
Example 1. The love of my life, my perfect match is standing in front of me and I find myself resisting. Why?! It should have been a Kevin Costner movie!
But I had become so used to my pursuit of struggle, I had abandoned my timing of manifestation to the concept it would be an eternity and was really quite happy in my own space with my son. All the while knowing deep down my fulfilments weren’t complete as a woman or building towards the larger family unit I’ve always desired. You see I don’t get lonely when I’m single and it had been over two years of living in survival mode, focusing on me, my son and my work.
And that’s when I realised I was scared of letting someone close to me again. To place trust in, be open with and share my inner most depths of my soul. Even though I said I was ready with all my heart, when she presented herself in front of me, a part of me froze and wanted to run into hiding.
This is where our work is.
And I knew that this was the person I had longed for. So why wasn’t I making an effort? I began treating her how I wanted to be treated. I opened up my heart to her and we constantly talked things through. We took on board each other’s view and worked together (in a relatively short time) because knowing we wanted the same things in life weren’t enough unless we made real effort to let go of things in order for our lives to merge. Life gets busy and it took a lot of organising for just 1 date night!
When we both let go of our fears (a Full moon ceremony can help with this), there was room for the love to flood in, and it was me who said ‘I love you’ first. It came over me like an ocean wave and I realised how strongly I felt- it was awesome!
Now, we are creating the life we have always dreamed because we’ve finally found in each other all the qualities we’ve been searching for in a partner and have soul aligned ambitions. In short, we make a great team, and when you feel so incredibly safe with someone along with the attraction, chemistry, friendship and fun, you know you can be free to be yourself and help support each other to grow simultaneously.
All I had to do was get out of my own way and accept I deserve love, happiness and joy, the time being NOW (it’s always now).
Example 2. A work project where my tickets just weren’t selling. I caught myself giving reasons that were actually excuses but were indicators telling me there was more going on behind the scenes:
Excuse 1, I had relaunched another business that had taken up my time
Excuse 2, people don’t have the money, times are tough
Excuse 3, I haven’t promoted enough (had enough time/ energy yet again)
Excuse 4, It’s the area I’m in and their mindsets
This energy / mindset felt funky, it was vexing me and I had just 1 week to go before the Sunday it was booked for.
*** Insider Tip Alert! ***
I leant into my narrative to observe it and acknowledged how my vibration was feeling; it’s great to free write, letting it out onto paper being raw before analysing it too much.
Here’s what came up for me:
· I was dreading it as I’m working the Saturday before.
· I’m tired and I don’t want to do it.
· I’m scared of being a failure, of people (the spiritual community and co-workers) laughing at me for no-one turning up.
· But I was also scared of being a success and too many people turning up, of ridicule that it wasn’t good enough or unsatisfactory feelings towards me, slander, bad reputation etc.
What was worse is that I felt I couldn’t just cancel it because I had already postponed the event and the person who had bought a ticket messaged me saying they were so looking forward to it.
My reluctance sucked and I thought ‘no wonder I‘m not selling any tickets’ I’m so caught up in childcare costs, not arranging it yet, desperate to build a community and feeling frustration of what I SHOULD be doing to get out and teach.
I suddenly realised: IF I’M NOT ENJOYING IT DON’T DO IT!
In the past I have forced myself to do sales and marketing in order to build my businesses. But this anxiety and stress is completely blocking me and I realised it wasn’t getting my creative juices flowing.
I had reoccurring images about doing workshops online and felt excited.
I remember what my intuitive business coach said “go with what lights you up”
Working with people one on one lights me up because we can do deep soul transforming work.
My one ticket sale had messaged me that morning informing me of a health issue that was he’d just been diagnosed with. Whilst gardening and using loppers to cut off the tough bits that needed to go, it dawned on me how I really want to work with him one on one; That he really needs this energy healing in a more powerful way. And just as I need different tools to attend to the garden exactly how it needs in order to keep growing and flourishing, I needed to stop having the distractions of promoting something I didn’t have my heart in and go with where my heart was shouting YES! This is how I can help this person the most!
That’s when the Aha! Moment came offering me freedom and relief: it’s ok to NOT run the workshop and it’s OK not to sell any tickets if this means working with this one man.
I can still run my next idea as that excites me and I feel the success around it.
To recap, I set myself free.
I took the pressure off myself with a reassuring “IT’S OK TO RELAX”.
If something doesn’t feel right, listen to it as it’s showing us a message.
This was showing me FUCK IT! Stop trying to force something to happen because I want it to- THAT IS FROM EGO. I’m better working with people one on one FOR THE TIME BEING. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up, nothing is wasted. I’m just learning not to rush or force these things because I’m learning (and hear it comes)
IF MY VIBRATION ISN’T A FUCK YES, I CAN’T FORCE IT HAPPEN.
When it IS a FUCK YES, all things fall into place effortlessly; ALWAYS.
The whole teaching is about aligning our vibration to match that of love, happiness, freedom and joy in order to attract more in – whether that’s a relationship or a work project, ticking boxes simply won’t cut it.
This is the shift from the masculine way of working with control, force and structure (the push)…
…. To the feminine approach of surrender, intuition and fluidity (the pull).
Neither is right nor wrong but we are seeing more often than not, especially with spiritual work, that the feminine way of living and doing business is more powerful and arising more often. Because it serves our higher selves in a better way. The chaos of covid showed us that: how we can be productive with greater flexibility, less burn out due to commuting, more time with our families and for walking outdoors…. how we can work differently and still stay efficient.
So, the take away from all of this is observe and catch our negative thought patterns as they are root of our manifestations; all the affirmations in the world won’t help us if our subconscious holds a belief which is throwing off our entire vibration.
By looking at these, catching them and seeing them for what they are (not real and from a place of fear) we have the power to turn them around and ultimately they dissolve and are replaced with Love & Joy.
The more we practise this process, the faster we become at doing it. The key is to create the space in our lives for the process to occur in the first place (or in my case, get gardening!)
In my examples I knew there was something I had look at because my self-sabotage pattern was to hide behind distractions of entertainment. I knew I was doing it so I had to stop and create space to go deep into myself (allow the process to happen). I had to tune into my feelings of wanting to hide; both a relationship and presenting workshops means to put yourself out there and face rejection!
How did change my behaviour after my Aha moment?
1. I broke free of my own restraints and said YES to spending more time with my gorgeous life partner. Made arrangements for more childcare, grieved letting go of my son growing up and took on board hers and my friends / family advice to facilitate growth for both my son and I to adapt in a healthy, natural and positive way filled with excitement and love.
2. I said YES to letting go of the outcome of the workshop tickets; it’s all for a reason, as perhaps it’s just not supposed to (is not productive) to go ahead BUT it DID attract in my soul aligned client who I AM supposed to work with in a deeper way!!!!!
Ultimately nothing is wrong (with the correct intention) and failure is only a dent to our ego.
WHEN WE LOOK FOR THE LESSON, WE ALWAYS FIND PEACE (and no experience is wasted or held stuck in guilt, shame, pain or blame).
We become FREE to live fluidly and adapt with our lives and their changes.
We surrender to the rhythms of life and the ways our path flow as we listen to where we are called to go rather than forcing a direction our minds THINK we SHOULD go.
So my dear friend try this the next time you find yourself in a pickle like me:
1. Remove all SHOULDs and replace it with a COULD
2. Then ask as a means of checking in with ourselves:
· I could do this, if I do, what message does it send to my soul?
· How does it make me feel?
· Is it bringing me closer to where I want to be in this life?
· Is it in line with what a consciously say I want?
· Are my actions in line with my soul calling?
· Am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself?
· What makes me feel good?
· What would it feel like if I let this thing change / go?
3. When you feel in your heart and gut the answer that is aligned, it’s a relief, I call it my Aha moment; it relaxes the body, allows you to breathe deeply and creates a smile on your face a mile wide.
This is what living in intuition is.
When you move out of the funky head space whirling with thoughts running at lightening speed at random directions.
It is Peaceful, it is Light and it is Love.