Looking back I think it all started with labyrinth: David Bowie dressed in tight leggings, leather jacket, boots and cape, lip gloss, eye make up and long hair holding a riding crop!
I fancied the pants off him and was obsessed for years (I still am tbh).
If that didn’t scream bisexual (I had no idea at the time) then I don’t know what does, and indeed Bowie's music and real life reflected his sexual flamboyancy and fluidity (he was an absolute legend I love you forever).
In this film, I now see many references to power, control and with Bowie's outfit, the art of cross dressing and hints of kink play. One thing that surprises me is my willingness and excitement at the thought of being dominated (by the goblin king aka Bowie) when normally I'm the one who enjoys to dominate. So lets explore in depth how this (innocent children's) film became such a cult classic and how I relate our Sacred Sexuality identity (asking forgiveness from Jim Henderson in advance :)).
Firstly let's take Sarah, I never could understand why she WOULDN'T want to be the Goblin Queen. He is sexy AF (yes I am aware he is in costume as a fictional character but damn those legs and eyes!), he is right in saying he has done a lot for her already and, well, those tight pants, riding crop, commanding power and he carries of leather so well: I'm sold! Besides, even though the Goblin King was portrayed as mean, he was in love with her right?! He is actually showing us it's not true love at all.
In the final scene He says “Just let me rule you and you can have everything you want,... Just Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave” Which sets up for a pretty toxic relationship! And yet the darkness of it called to me..... and I felt guilty for it because I should have thought he was evil? As a child I couldn’t comprehend it, I just kept watching it again and again pretending I was Sarah and that I’d change the script and run off with Bowie (who magically turns into an owl which is pretty fucking cool!).
**This power play is what is explored in S&M in a safe, trusted environment.**
My message and insight being that if I had actually explored WHY this was calling to me and why I labelled it as dark, my life would have turned out better. Instead I suppressed it, tried to ignore it and desperately tried to follow the classic disney story told of evil witches and wizards using magic for their own personal gain whilst nice, sweet girls marry princes.
The most influencing line of the film though, is right at the end, and I even used this towards my ex (in my mind) when I fled domestic violence: “You have no power over me”.
It’s perfect… it’s cuts through the BS, the mind games, coercive control tactics, and simply sums up your right to reclaim the power that is your birthright.
I can’t help but wonder what if I had had the opportunity to explore power play more?
To experience trust and dominance through S&M in a healthy way so that I didn’t attract it into my love relationships?
Could I have saved myself a hell of a lot of heartache and years of abuse and suppression of my sexuality?
I Certainly was offered the opportunity when I was in my 30’s but shied away from it even though it excited me.
How often does that happen where our rational brain talks our soul out of a calling?!?!!
Because that’s what it boils down to: your decision to RECLAIM the power you were born with. It is through our language and actions that dictate your acceptance of how people treat you and that includes giving away your power or disempowering yourself.
I used to do this A LOT!
And once I realised it was MY responsibility as to letting others walk all over me or attracting in abusive relationships, that is when I began reclaiming my sacred power.
So after my teenage years of learning all the lyrics to the songs I can still pretty much recite the entire film word perfect. And although it's all fiction, I still feel this pull of compassion towards the goblin king being left alone at the end. Maybe I just loved Bowie's presence in character? That fact that I never felt I belonged and embracing the different, unique, quirky people in life resonates to my soul accepting, non judgmental way of being, or was it that I didn't then recognise hidden messages the King was relaying?
I know I'm not alone in fancying Bowie dressed as he was with crazy long hair and heavy eye make up (a girlfriend grabbed my arm and said YES ME TOO!). So even before I became sexually active, I knew I wanted to kiss lips with lipgloss on, to dress up in clothes that didn't dictate a stereotype and that I LOVED tight, figure hugging leggings with rebellious leather (the riding crop in my adult years obviously wink wink).
I only wish it would have been encouraged more what this meant to me, to be attracted to female and masculine qualities equally (hey, bowies chest was on display AND those leggings don't hide a thing). I wish I could have discussed it with my friends and family, been embraced with acceptability. Being Bi-sexual wasn't spoken about in my little country village in the 80's or early 90's, and I thank all positive organisations that support and promote sexual equality.
One thing is for sure, the costume designer needs a gold medal in my eyes and 100% reminds me of a Dominatrix; Sexy AF to display your power in figure hugging materials with props in hand. I shall be re-watching that film till my final days, laughing at the freedom and fun of it all.